Mistaken Affections

A few months ago, there was a Potential. We'll call him Mr. Suite.

He was everything I could imagine myself with. Tall, had a very good job, was hard working, cared about the same things as me, wanted a Trophy Wife. (That last one, is not to be taken to literally, more in the sense of stay-at-home-mum with the kids).

And apparently I was his 'ideal' girl. Blonde, bubbly, and of course, we care about the same things.

He's only 5 years older than me, but for some reason this was a problem for him. So every time our group hung out, I had to become more mature. Or look like I was having lots of fun. I was always on show for him. And I knew this was stupid.

Have you ever sort-of-dated someone? You both know you're checking each other out, and spending a lot of unnecessary time talking, but never acknowledge why you are. This went on for almost a year. And I fell hard for him.

I would cry if he didn't speak to me when we were out. I couldn't have a normal conversation with people when I knew he was near by. Every beat of my heart, flushed bright red blood through my veins when he as so much walked into the room.

Needless to say, it was pathetic of me.

A long story short, he liked my best friend, who didn't reciprocate, and is dating his friend. And in the process of it all, he found out I liked him.

Now he doesn't want to know me. Conversations that used to last for hours, have been abandoned and I don't even get a hello.

I saw him last night, and tried to make conversation. He looks right through me, embarrassed to be speaking to someone not nearly good enough for his impossibly standards.

Now I understand how it feels to be on American Idol. And be one of the idiots who cant sing. And have everyone tell you, you're not good enough.

And deep in my heart, I know I'm better than that.

So why does this feel so painful!